Health-Reclaiming It! Back to the Gym..

Day 2-off to the gym

..or so I thought.  Do you have any idea how hard it is to go to the gym when you haven’t been there for over 5 years!  Nearly impossible. On day 1 I suffered trying to select something to wear. Then I put on those huge New Balance sneakers that make me feel totally claustrophobic, I mean, does a sneaker have to be so built up all around as if you are in a space ship? Exactly what are we doing, practically cutting off all circulation…so you know that if you have many rolls of skin, it is nearly impossible to bend over and put on your sneakers, even with the help of a shoehorn.  I huff and I puff and bend over this way trying to get around my belly if even just for a moment, long enough to get the shoe on (while negotiating the sock that may be sliding around) , pull the laces tight and tie it!  This is really hard to do…it took me a good 5 minutes of struggling to get one sneaker on and this isn’t even the dreaded New Balance…this is a mere, lightweight original Keds sneaker (yes, I am old and gay and I prefer this to those that are cool).  So I took a break from the huffing to literally catch my breath before I tackle the other sneaker. What I discovered while putting on the first sneaker was that these have not been worn in years! And I believe I am probably a half size larger now, so I need to order some new Keds pronto!  Later today, online…

The whole process of getting ready for the gym is excruciating for an obese person…truly it is a great disincentive (as if dying of a heart attack is not!).  You go through so many mixed emotions just as you try to decide what to wear (that won’t draw attention to your girth with all of those strange thin people at the gym). You already feel bad, so bad, about how did you let this happen to your body and then you have to stuff those feelings once more and just go do it…EXERCISE and sweat (which I don’t like, the sweating, that is). So of course, this is why I am writing right now, instead of being at the gym. Seriously I will go to the gym, but the other day (the first day), I had so many emotions while I was getting ready and when I went to write them down later, all of the passion, feelings and emotion were gone. The writing was flat…I didn’t know how to re-capture what I had experienced. I CAN tell you that every single thing I felt was about shame and embarassment and about the courage it took to be out there. You see this is the year I reclaim my health. It will not be easy, but what is, really? Easy isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. I am only 5’1” and with the bulk of those New Balance sneakers and my inflexibility, I could not get my foot up over the center of the stationery bike I was going to ride. It took about 4 tries…then I had to figure out how to choose a program while my glasses were in my bag on the floor….and that’s a whole other issue, where the hell are you supposed to put your jacket and keys?  The locker room is at the farthest point from the front door…blah, blah, blah….Now that was fine, but the bike I got on was broken! So I had to get off and attempt another and then all was fine.  From there I went to the abductor, the machine  where the machine parts are on the outside of your thighs (abductor) was ok. Then I went to the one where the parts go between your legs (the adductor). I had to have help to get my right leg over to get on..I was fine with the left leg, my left side is stronger.  Then when I went to get off that machine, I got one leg off, but could not clear the other foot of the machine and had to ask someone for help.  So this was humbling to say the least. Of course I met some very nice people during this process, very kind.  I also did 3 sets of 12 on the leg press, no help needed, here!  I imagine I won’t need the help today. The truth is….all of this is the very reason why I need to be working out and regaining my strength and flexibility.  I do have to admit, there were some moments where I felt very teary, like right now.  Nobody wants to be fat…and have such a huge (pardon the pun) task ahead of themselves.

I have realized in recent years that there have been many things I have not participated in or have shied away from due to my body’s appearance. I am ready to have a normal size body and to choose whether I do whatever activity based on what I want and my interests.  Now comes the hard work..oh, well, I’ve done lots of things that were more difficult…

One thing I do recommend as a result of my experiences this week: Before you embark on this venture, gather together whatever you think you will need in terms of clothing, sneakers, socks, sweatshirt, tote or gym bag, etc and try on everything long before the day you start. Be clear about your assessment of everything. If you hate a pair of pants or sneakers, banish them and replace them with something that works for you. Only wear what you will be comfortable with and keep all of these items in one place so that when you go to get ready, you can avoid some of the trauma that I experienced. I will be doing that later today so that I will have a better and uneventful time of it tomorrow.  Remember the reason you are in this position is because you did NOT put what you need FIRST.

This is MeddlingMom…have a great weekend…off to the gym, via the post office…


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13 Responses to “Health-Reclaiming It! Back to the Gym..”

  1. Heather Lenore Says:

    HI – Think I may have have figured this out; but not sure. Will keep trying. Really enjoy your Blogs. Heather

  2. Cheryl Says:

    OMG! I laughed and cried reading this! I admire your courage for sharing such raw emotion. Thank you.

    • meddlingmom Says:

      Thank you, Cheryl. and thanks for reading the blog…The truth is I posted it on Facebook first and later in the day when I was sending it via e-mail to my lists, I was feeling a little shy about it and did not send it to some people…it’s raw, but all good…

  3. First day back at the gym and its unexpected pleasures « Year of the Detox Says:

    […] Health-Reclaiming It! Back to the Gym.. ( Share this:TwitterFacebookLike this:LikeBe the first to like this post. […]

    • meddlingmom Says:

      did you mention this on Twitter? Thank you if you did. I haven’t learned how to use Twitter yet…do you find that you drive people to your blog by using Twitter? I haven’t read you blog, yet, but left it open to read it. Thanks, again!

  4. Heather Lenore Says:

    How is that exercising coming along???? Stick with it and you will see results sooner than you think. Hugs – Heather

  5. Sue Centanni DeFeo Says:

    Bravo! I’m sure it gets easier day by day, but this is not an easy thing to do, especially at our age!
    I started with the weight loss first – lost 65 pounds – with another 20 – 25 to go. Now, I’m ready to tackle the exercise portion also, as I look at a skinnier, but much flabbier body. I swear, there are days that I liked my body fatter – at least I didn’t have the hanging flab and cellulite – LOL.
    In any case, good luck to all of us out there who want to make getting in shape a priority for 2012!

    • meddlingmom Says:

      thanks for your comment, Sue…good for you…how did you remove those pounds…please share your method..we can all sure use any inspiration…thanks for reading the blog, too!

  6. Sue Centanni DeFeo Says:

    I lost my first 25 pounds using the Atkins diet … however, being the true Italian that I am, it was very difficult for me to lay off the pasta. So, I went to my first Weight Watcher’s meeting and found how easy it is to incorporate anything you eat into the plan … and learn to eat right for the rest of my life, rather than doing the “quick-fix” diets, like I’ve always done! The real plus of Weight Watcher’s now and is that most fruit and veggies are zero points!! I even went on vacation, ate whatever I wanted to eat (although I eat far less than I used to) and didn’t gain a pound!
    So, my current goal is to begin an exercise plan and drop another 20 – 25 pounds in the next several months …

    • meddlingmom Says:

      that’s great, Sue! very impressive…it is tough…I heard a woman at Weight Watchers say that she removes the pounds and I like that idea..when we say, I lost them it feels like you are missing them, which is NOT TRUE! It’s really tough…thank you for sharing…as you know, we each have to figure out our own bodies and motivations, will keep ypu posted!

  7. Heather Lenore Says:

    So glad to hear you are having luck and really getting into the exercise routine. Sorry I have nothing to share with you about exercise. All I do is the treadmill for an hour – mostly cardio, but does help me maintain my weight (about 130 lbs.). Keep it up and you will be seeing more results sooner than you think. The trick is to stick with it (which is the hardest part – staying motivated). Hugs – Heather

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