Posts Tagged ‘Gym’

Health-Reclaiming It! Back to the Gym..

February 4, 2012

Day 2-off to the gym

..or so I thought.  Do you have any idea how hard it is to go to the gym when you haven’t been there for over 5 years!  Nearly impossible. On day 1 I suffered trying to select something to wear. Then I put on those huge New Balance sneakers that make me feel totally claustrophobic, I mean, does a sneaker have to be so built up all around as if you are in a space ship? Exactly what are we doing, practically cutting off all circulation…so you know that if you have many rolls of skin, it is nearly impossible to bend over and put on your sneakers, even with the help of a shoehorn.  I huff and I puff and bend over this way trying to get around my belly if even just for a moment, long enough to get the shoe on (while negotiating the sock that may be sliding around) , pull the laces tight and tie it!  This is really hard to do…it took me a good 5 minutes of struggling to get one sneaker on and this isn’t even the dreaded New Balance…this is a mere, lightweight original Keds sneaker (yes, I am old and gay and I prefer this to those that are cool).  So I took a break from the huffing to literally catch my breath before I tackle the other sneaker. What I discovered while putting on the first sneaker was that these have not been worn in years! And I believe I am probably a half size larger now, so I need to order some new Keds pronto!  Later today, online…

The whole process of getting ready for the gym is excruciating for an obese person…truly it is a great disincentive (as if dying of a heart attack is not!).  You go through so many mixed emotions just as you try to decide what to wear (that won’t draw attention to your girth with all of those strange thin people at the gym). You already feel bad, so bad, about how did you let this happen to your body and then you have to stuff those feelings once more and just go do it…EXERCISE and sweat (which I don’t like, the sweating, that is). So of course, this is why I am writing right now, instead of being at the gym. Seriously I will go to the gym, but the other day (the first day), I had so many emotions while I was getting ready and when I went to write them down later, all of the passion, feelings and emotion were gone. The writing was flat…I didn’t know how to re-capture what I had experienced. I CAN tell you that every single thing I felt was about shame and embarassment and about the courage it took to be out there. You see this is the year I reclaim my health. It will not be easy, but what is, really? Easy isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. I am only 5’1” and with the bulk of those New Balance sneakers and my inflexibility, I could not get my foot up over the center of the stationery bike I was going to ride. It took about 4 tries…then I had to figure out how to choose a program while my glasses were in my bag on the floor….and that’s a whole other issue, where the hell are you supposed to put your jacket and keys?  The locker room is at the farthest point from the front door…blah, blah, blah….Now that was fine, but the bike I got on was broken! So I had to get off and attempt another and then all was fine.  From there I went to the abductor, the machine  where the machine parts are on the outside of your thighs (abductor) was ok. Then I went to the one where the parts go between your legs (the adductor). I had to have help to get my right leg over to get on..I was fine with the left leg, my left side is stronger.  Then when I went to get off that machine, I got one leg off, but could not clear the other foot of the machine and had to ask someone for help.  So this was humbling to say the least. Of course I met some very nice people during this process, very kind.  I also did 3 sets of 12 on the leg press, no help needed, here!  I imagine I won’t need the help today. The truth is….all of this is the very reason why I need to be working out and regaining my strength and flexibility.  I do have to admit, there were some moments where I felt very teary, like right now.  Nobody wants to be fat…and have such a huge (pardon the pun) task ahead of themselves.

I have realized in recent years that there have been many things I have not participated in or have shied away from due to my body’s appearance. I am ready to have a normal size body and to choose whether I do whatever activity based on what I want and my interests.  Now comes the hard work..oh, well, I’ve done lots of things that were more difficult…

One thing I do recommend as a result of my experiences this week: Before you embark on this venture, gather together whatever you think you will need in terms of clothing, sneakers, socks, sweatshirt, tote or gym bag, etc and try on everything long before the day you start. Be clear about your assessment of everything. If you hate a pair of pants or sneakers, banish them and replace them with something that works for you. Only wear what you will be comfortable with and keep all of these items in one place so that when you go to get ready, you can avoid some of the trauma that I experienced. I will be doing that later today so that I will have a better and uneventful time of it tomorrow.  Remember the reason you are in this position is because you did NOT put what you need FIRST.

This is MeddlingMom…have a great weekend…off to the gym, via the post office…


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